This is the place where I sit This is the part where I love you too much This is her heart as it kids 'Cause I'm getting tired or pretending I'm tough And here if you want me I'm yours you can hold me I'm empty and taking and tumbling and braking
[Chorus] 'Cause you don't see me And you don't need me And you don't love me The way I wish you would The way I know you could
I dream a world where you understand That I dream a million sleepless nights But I dream a fire when you're touching my hand But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights I'm speechless and faded It's too complicated Is this how the book ends? Nothing but good friends
[Chorus] 'Cause you don't see me And you don't need me And you don't love me The way I wish you would
This is the place in my heart This is the place where I'm falling apart Isn't this just where we met? And is this the last just that I'll ever get? I wish I was lonely Instead of just only Crystal and see through and not enough to you
[Chorus] 'Cause you don't see me And you don't need me And you don't love me The way I wish you would
'Cause you don't see me And you don't need me And you don't love me The way I wish you would The way I know you could
normal day at school. didnt attend the last subject. went to moa and ate in teriyaki boy. we were supposed to go to high street but one of our friends couldnt make it and wala narin kami pang gas so uwi na.
i feeeeeel so sad for a friend. she's really broken and devastated right now. our common friend and i dont know what to do to calm her. she's so broken. she called me up and she was crying herself. and you know whats so heartbreaking? she kept on saying that it was all her fault and that the guy is really a great person and that all the blame should be put upon her end. i feel so sad. i wanna kick the guy's ass even if i know him. i still cannot believe he did this. i NEVER thought he could do something like this talaga. :(( so sad for my friend. she's drinking everynight. crying herself to sleep.
i have my own problem too with regard to my heart issues, but not as big as hers.
i love you sweetie and God knows how much truth i put upon those words. but i guess this is it. im going to miss you forever. is this suppose to hurt this bad? always stay happy
i was forced to take the cab again today since i had no sundo. okay, ang laki na naman ng nagastos ko. kasi naman ang arte ko pa, i should take jeep nalang whenever i dont have sundo. kainis. i should stop myself na. sayang money ko e. anyway, typical day at school. during our break, we went to starbucks nearby. jom's treat. haha we forced him >:) he spent 460 for the three of us, he didnt even buy his own. haha. java chip is love. :x
ive never sank this low in my entire life. never felt so low. and never had someone made me and treat me so fucking low. and there are nights, i admit, i want to end this all up.
behind this smile is a boy so weak and the only thing he wishes for is for things to just be fair to him and nothing more than that. he expects nothing more than PARITY. he believes he never asks too much, he just wants to get what he thinks he deserves and yet, people around him make it impossible.
1. Put your music player on shuffle. 2. Press forward for each question. 3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
How are you feeling today? Unfaithful - rihanna hala? no way. :))
How do your friends see you? my immortal - evanescence. okay. im not immortal. haha ano ba
What is the story of your life? make it real - U turn awww. this is sooo sad naman amp. di naman ganyan kasad ang life story ko e
Will you get married? pwede ba - soapdish hahaha. ano ba yun :))
What is your best friend's theme song? because of you - kelly clarkson nyeee. pang bestfriend ba to? :))
What was high school like? stay - lisa loeb [you say, i talk so all the time] haha. halatang talkative nung HS
How can you get ahead in life? dream of me - kirsten dunst aww.
What is the best thing about your friends? ice box - omarion. ???? haha
What is in store for this weekend? wake up - coheed and cambria whoah. i wish you'd wake up nga until you decide to wake up] :((
What song Describes you? akoy sayo at ikay akin - Iaxe :(( :(( :((
To describe your grandparents? superstar - usher HALA? haha.
How is your life going? ordinary world [without you, it's just an ordinary world] sooo true sooo true
What song will they play at your funeral? my humps - BEP haha. wtf???
How can I make myself happy? sway - bic runga the hell, by swaying ill be happy? haha crazy
What should you do with your life? you're beautiful - james blunt [and i dont know what to do, cause ill never be with you] ayan, dont know what to do daw
Will you have a happy life? all this time - six part intervention okay, no relation at all. :))
okay. i tried sleeping at 3, slept at 4 and woke up at 6. tell me what can be more disappointing than that? well, ill tell you.
ive proven something today. been thinking about this lately. me and this "friend" for quite sometime only made me realize that we aint really friends all this time. why? friends have trust with each other right? what happened was that, this "friend" proved to me that there's no trust for me. this friend doesnt trust me. yep, ive proven that now. so that means we aint really friends, we are just "magkakilala". to some, they might say im "mababaw", but this is beyond the context of understanding. it was really a cold slap on my face when it happened. made me wake up and face the reality. we were never friends. never. cause friendship is a two way process, not one-sided. in my case, i give and give and give. BUT I NEVER TAKE. should have known this from the start. silly silly me. things will definitely change when we get to see each other again (if ever we will). okay, nakakapagod ka na. kung ayaw mo, di wag. ive done enough. do your share of work asshole. at least now i know where should my place be. just a piece of note:
"dont make me care less about you, for when i do, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK. i wanna hurt you so bad."
basically, thats just it. and incase people ask, i wont deny nor confirm any. we each all have our moments right?
okay. nothing much has been happening. my summer is so effed up because of school. booooo.
im kinda inis with a friend. not inis na with galit, just pissed. kasi naman, he's so mean to his "friend" which is my friend, too. okay. wala lang. basta nainis lang ako. never thought he would do something like it.
anyway, i watched bridge to terabithia awhile ago. i was so upset when leslie died. :(( i nearly cried. damn it. i shouldnt have watched it :|
okay, so tomorrow is the first day of classes in my school. super WTF right? haha. kainis kasi, we have 4 terms each year e. haaaayyy. :( and my schedule sucks big time. MWF 6:00pm to 9:00pm. then TTH 12:00pm to 6:00pm (with a three hour break) S 7:30am to 6:00pm (with a three hour break). ahaha. see how it is gonna slash my heart? haahaa. i havent enjoyed my summer so much yet. good thing i wont be going to school tomorrow, ill be going on tuesday. HOOORAAAAY!!. hahaha. eeehhh lazy ass. :)) last night, i helped jackie find songs for sam. kasi daddy ray asked her to find songs. she found a whole lot of coooool new songs. haha i only sent 1 song, you're beautiful by james blunt since limewire was so messed up, it displayed A LOT of irrelevant searches. hahah. sayang. couldve added more. haha. ayun lang naman.
i got this from jeff which he got from gee-ann and it makes perfect sense.
"When mean people hurt you, think of them as sandpapers. They may rub and scratch you painfully,but eventually, you will end up smooth and polished while they will end up worthless"
okay. at first i was half thinking if i should go. but after amiela convinced me, i did. i met up with ronald at shang. the last time ive been to podium was ages ago. and it was night time and someone drove me there unlike this time, we walked from shang to podium. dammit. it was like a mile away. :(( we shouldve taken the cab. :(( anyway, while on the way, i thought of buying coffee when we got to podium. and so i did, i bought frap on starbucks to rejuvenate myself after a looooooong tiring walk. when we got there, i saw kevin, jackie, tippy, steph and tita happy. sam was at the presscon of walang kapalit, so he wasnt there yet. when kuya oliver saw me, he asked me if im gonna audition and i said no. and he was like "NO. audition will not start unless you're gonna audition". i was so embarassed cause people looked. i swear. haha tita happy even looked :(( hahaha i was reluctant at first to go and mingle with sina tippy and jackie and steph. haha. as in. kasi naman e.. then i saw moreen. i was surprised she knew me by face. we waved and smile at each other. moving on, tito david and kuya carlo arrived. darn it, ronald was so fast, i was left outside alone. yes alone. haha. then i met up with larissa and gaby just to tell me amiela's not coming. DAMMIT DAMMIT. i went there because i thought im gonna meet her again :| :| anyway, since i would die of boredom for being alone, i mingled na with jackie, steph and tippy. kevin was going all around kasi e. when we talked, i asked "wheres your girlfriend?" and he pushed me and said "ano??" haha. darn it, i forgot so i said besbes instead. haha he said athena's not gonna audition. then sina sam came na. tito raymund showed me this walang kapalit photo thing.hahaaha the baretto girl is really cute. haha we were like "ang cute nung baretto girl". ahah. and tippy or steph said something like "talagang di pinansin si sam e" haha. anyway, after that, tippy went inside the audition thing na. anyway, we just talked about things. some personal things, some funny things. haha. jackie and stephanie were so nervous nga e. they kept on practicing. ahahahaha. and jackie and steph was interviewed by kzone guy. haha and after the guy went away, jackie said "wala bang picture dyan?" ahahaha and then the kzone guy must have ESP to sense it, so he came back and ask for a picture. haha then after that, we went inside. parang nakaline. then we just talked and talked to take away their nervousness. then tito raymund went out to comfort jackie. kevin and i went cute-girl hunting on the opposite room. haha. when it was their turn, i waited outside since non-auditioners(sp?) were not allowed to enter. haha. after her and stephanie's turn, we went outside again. jackie went with her "boyfriend", the younger brother of marek and enzo. haha. so i went inside again, i was with steph, kevin and jay. kevin was signing his form. kasi at first he doesnt wanna audition. haha but eventually he did. anyway, after that, tito raymund searched for sina jackie again. steph and i went out too and searched for them. we found them in astrovision and they seemed to be talking about something important. so i pretended to browse the cds from quite afar. haha i was nahihiya syempre naman. haha then after a while, jackie and tippy made kwento about it. there's this weirdo girl who spreads rumors and makes stories about tippy. and then this weirdo told her mom yata that jackie kicked and pushed her. dammit, jackie said that the weirdo is twice her size. haha. and then that werido used to be tippy's bestfriend pala. and then all the secrets tippy told her, she told the whole school. and she makes rumors that she and sam are together. like, whatever right? haha. anyway, so there. when we got out of astrovision, tippy told us to just sit down on the floor. we sat down and then she said "ginutom ako sa babaeng yun ha" and then offered us her candy thing. i forgot what type of candy that was, but favorite ko yun. ahah too bad i wasnt on the mood to eat anything. there, we sat sa floor and talked about things. haha like what jackie did to her enemies before. and like what people did to tippy. haha. tippy nga said all of her bully moments started because of sam. haha. yes, true yun. people on her school bully her because of sam. see how shallow people can get sometimes? anyway, we spent a lot of time there just talking on the floor. when sam went out, he went to us, he accidentally hit steph with a basketball. haha i was like "he did it intentionally". haha sam made face. darn it. then smiled and apir. okay. then he told us that they need more boys, so he, together with steph, jackie and tippy, encouraged me to join. but i told them i dont know how to dance and tippy was like "it's okay. they will teach you naman e." haha. but i dont think im gonna learn dancing anytime soon. :)) then we took pictures from different fones. haha. (calling jackie and tippy, let me steal). tippy and i took a picture on her fone, but she said she looks ugly on the first one so she took another one. (can you guys imagine tippy being ugly? i really cannot imagine her being ugly e. she's really so pretty in any angle.). then exchanged numbers with tippy. then tita happy took pictures din. sam was with us when tita happy was taking pictures, but he didnt join when it was just us. haha :)) anyway after that, they were called to get inside the room. we were just there on the couch, kevin, me and jay until they went out. tapos ayun. after a while lang, sina tippy had to leave na. so ayun, beso and then they went off na. theyre coming back tomorrow, though. anyway, we just waited there, ronald, steph, me and kev. haha. steph and i made kwentuhan about stuff. haha about her haters in youtube and how people hate her because she's with sam. haha we exchanged stories and it was fun. haha i was obliged to get a video blog so i waited for samuelito to get out. haha he took sometime, so i asked kev to just call him. haha he called him and he went outside. okay, video blog na. kevin, steph and i were making gulo sam, like, counting the remaining minutes and by saying stuff. haha kevin even made a cameo. while i was having my pichur pichur with twin, i asked steph to join in, but she said she doesnt want to. haha kasi she got traumatized na because of mean people who scrutinized her on youtube because she sang with sam. haha. okay. after that was bye bye time. we all went down na and left podium :)
pictures on my multiply :) but, i shall add more when the 2 dos santos' upload. :)
PS: to those who hate steph and tippy, drop it off, theyre really, really nice people.
okay. i have a new bg song. haha. it's ordinary world by katherine mcphee. i love the song. ive always liked katherine mcphee way back in american idol. too bad nga lang, she lost over taylor hicks (Sp?). moving on, i would like to thank jackie for sending me this song(and for the 2 more songs). haha. thanks dear.
anyway, i like this line: "Let the sky cry, restless rain to wash away the miles between us 'Till love can come redeem us 'cause without you It's just an ordinary World"
as planned yesterday, we went to the beach. yesterday, we were thinking if we should go to caylabne or puerto azul. caylabne's kinda complicated since they dont have phone numbers. and we have no idea if we should have our reservation first. i slept 5 am because i couldnt sleep properly last night. darn it, they woke me up 7:30 :(( my eyes were hurting. anyway, we fixed our things just this morning. haha. lazy ass. then went on the road. we first went to a gasoline station. then road trip again. dammit, how come it was so traffic e probinsyang probinsya na ang pupuntahan namin. arrgh. anyway, we stopped by to eat at chowking first since we havent eaten anything yet. then road again. puerto azul is so farrrrr talaga. ive been there once before, good friday naman yun. now it's easter sunday. then after the long and winding road, haha, we saw the signs that were near the place na. anyway, what was the sign we saw? the mountain. haha. yep, Puerto Azul is a beach/golf course located at the mountain. astig right? we had to use the four wheel drive since ang taas ng inakyat namin. haha. pressure was getting strong. then after a long drive again, we reached the entrance, they settled the arrangement first with the staff, then we headed to through the parking lot. then we entered the lobby. nothing much have been changed since i last went here. my mom, dad and lil brother are first-timers. i was with some friends and my elder brother the first time i went here. anyway, we went to our table na, since they dont have cottages there. table with roof lang na made with wood. then if you need the waiters' help, you will have to ring this wooden thing hanging on the corner of the roof. haha. ang cute. very native. anyway, we went to the beach and checked out the whole place. the waves were not really big that time, good. my lil brother went to the pool while me and my eldest brother walked on the beach. mom and daw were preparing palang. we headed to the rentals of banana boat and jetski. darn it, even more expensive than bora. haha. kainis. before lunch, my brothers and i had our henna. haha. then we ate. my mom was making reklamo since the food were so expensive but then the servings were sooooooo SMALL. i swear. haha. anyway, after eating, we went again on the beach.walk and stuff. picture taking. then we went to the pool naman. spent quite sometime there and then fixed ourselves and then went home. we had snack first at Mcdo. then we were caught by HEAVY traffic. darn it. anyway, my back now is so painful. SUNBURN shit.
why do i still hold on even if i feel that you are getting distant and distant everytime. if only i can turn back the hands of time, i will make each moments with you count the most. i will not be afraid. i will take chances. im willing to accept risks. but now, even if you dont tell me, i can somehow feel through the coldness of your shoulder that things are not the way they were before. it's a constant slap in my face every waking moment that you have proven me that people can change, that you can change. the change in you made me feel dumbfounded and scared. im afraid that you will slowly, slowly go away. away from me. away from all the moments we once had. away from my protection and away from my love. should i still fight my losing battle with you? or should i just give up and accept the fate of hopeless romantics shit like me? i do believe that there are some things worth fighting for, but sometimes, one should know when to give up. i dont wanna give up yet, cause i still believe in my love. MY LOVE. not YOUR LOVE, nor OUR LOVE. you see, as much as i want to fight, i feel pity. i feel pity for myself because all this time, all ive been trying to do is fit in to your world, live inside your world and please everyone that includes your world. ive never been me because it has always been about you and you alone. i love you more than i love myself. and i dont want that. i dont want that because you seem so naive that just one smile can inject me with so much strength. one tear from you breaks the armory of my soul and makes me comfort you even if it is me who needs comforting. despite of all the pain you caused me, the only thing that keeps me alive and happy is just a smile from you. a smile from you. just a faint smile from you.
*okay that was dramatic. whatever lang. just feel like constructing these kinds of shit haha*
uuuhhhmm. the whole day i was practically bored and tired. haha. why tired? i got tired because dad asked me to vacuum the ceiling of their room. what??? vacuum the ceiling??? hahaha. darn it, my arms were sooooo painful. haha. kainis.
anyway, we decided to go to bluewave to eat. dad craved for jollibee so we bought him food there. then he went to treats and bought water and ricola. i dont like the flavor he bought which was blackcurrant. i want orange. haha. after he ate, we went to yellowcab nearby since we all wanted pizza. then we got so full after. hahaa. isnt good friday suppose to be a day of sacrifice? haha. ano ba yun.
edit. i was searching for this in YT for like, 2 days. thanks jeff for giving me the link. haha. Melissa Reyes singing i dont wanna miss a thing. she cried in the end because she said she remembers her grandma. i love melissa r. she's also pinay like nicole. i love this performance. not the best vocals but the most heartfelt.
first of all, i wanna say thank you for everything. for giving me my mom and dad and for making our family strong. i thank you lord because you never make me experience lacking of things. i always get what i need and most of what i want. i deeply thank you , Jesus, for being my bestfriend. For making me a strong person that i am today. for giving me the friends that i have always looked for. for giving me an excellent year last year. thank you, simply for everything.
However Lord, i must admit many times i have doubted your love for me. You see Lord, people always feel your love when they experience happiness, and we tend not to, when we experience pain. I must confess Lord that many times, i want to give up. that many times i want to take a rest because im tired. i must admit Lord, that sometimes, i have thought of just ending this up. i often ask you Lord why do you give me pain when you have given me my seemingly almost perfect life? Yes Lord, people think my life is perfect, i guess it's almost perfect, but it's not. I know that your pain and sacrifices are not as big as mine, but i often question Lord why do you give us problems? i always forget that you will never give me things that i cant handle. but sometimes, pain is too much that it makes me numb. not only numb with pain but numb with feelings.
with those said, Lord, i wish i can still talk to you like i always do. i know you will always lead me to where i should be going. I apologize for all the things i did that made people's lives miserable.
OMG. OMG!!!!!! finally!!!!! my connection is restored. DARN IT. okay, let me kwento things that happened.
last sunday, we attended church. dad dropped us in-front of the church and he looked for parking. it was palm sunday, so dami tao. i stood at the back. my legs ached. then after that, we went to MOA. we ate at this guilly's something. the place was nice, it resembled a ship deck, but the food were hhhmmm no comment. my mom was mean >:) haha. anyway, after that, we strolled around the mall. i want Calvin Klein electric. darn it. anyone, care to give me 3050 bucks? it smelled freaking good and it's limited only. dammit. i hate being poor. haha.then went home. then after being online for like, 20 minutes, my connection got down. fuck it. why???? i called globe broadband service hotline, like twice. and my net still wasnt fixed. what did i do? i watched t.v. and movie again. good thing i survived sunday night. dammit.
monday. uuuhhhm, i called globe, like thrice. the utility men went here to check stuff, and they found out that the error occurred in their main server. so, they called my house after a couple of hours and it still wasnt fixed. DAMN IT. i really cursed globe broadband because they offer such a lousy service. so i was really furious. i cant sleep early. i watched the chronicles of narnia again. and i was wowed again for like the nth time already. haha. oo na, oa na ako. eeehhh.. then i watched the amazing race. then i finished reading the book. but im planning on reading it again since half on my mind was on the cursing process and the other half, trying to understand the book. hahahaa. kainis kasi that globe e.
today, i woke up early. i called globe for like the nth time. i was really furious na with the operator. i said something like "puro nalang reports, reports, reports. is that all you guys can do? you see, doing reports wont fix my internet connection. it's technical measures that i need, not a pile of reports. make sure that we will get a rebate for this. isa tong malaking abala for us." i was almost shouting but i controlled myself. darn it, i wanna cry out of frustration. many of you will think that im OA, but internet is my life. would you imagine, i bought pa an internet card a while ago, but too bad i wasnt able to find the modem installer. okay. i went to pasay with my lil brother. we commuted. fuck. good thing the bus we took was very comforting. haha. when we got to the shop, my eldest brother fixed himself and asked dad what car we will bring. okay, we fetched mom at her work then proceeded to the church because we would confess. the priest that i confessed to was english speaking. well, not actually, he's a foreign guy and his english wasnt really that sure. i think he's a little european. after that, we went again to MOA. we ate in tokyo tokyo. then after that, i bought coffee in gloria jeans. since irish creme was out of stock, i bought choco macadamia nuts. i think it's better than the irish creme. i bought my brother creme bruele. he didnt like it. i took a zip and it tasted like plain coffee with a little sugar blended with ice. darn it. bitter. anyway, we left my little brother in timezone, while we(me, bro, mom) strolled around MOA. we went to PRP,F&H,hangten and sm dept store. after that, we discussed our plans for summer getaway. i hope it will push through. anyway, after that we went to bread talk. bought hot chix and i forgot the name of the cheese long bread. hahaha. then went to mcdo in macapagal blvd because my brother wanted milk shake. then went home. no traffic. hooray. then, i checked the pc, WOW. MY NET NA AKO ULIT :((
and so i am here again, and so are we, outnumbered by one once again. the friendship that i know WAS flawless, perfect and invulnerable, i am certainly not ready for this kind of evasion. i guess now, summer time, we will never be complete like before. the days when every single bit of event, we tried so effin hard to go, moneyless, late at night.. trust me, we never cared about those. not until recently, drastic changes are clearly more apparent than usual. it seems that one by one, people are starting to care less about the GROUP. this upsets me so much, cause i never thought that this would come. seriously. this person who left admitted it, the others are still "on-denial".
okay, i understand these kinds of things. i sure do. but please, understanding doesnt mean accepting. in time maybe.
